The first month of No TV is done. Hoo-rah. However, the novelty of the project has worn off and I am faced with the reality of No TV.
What the hell am I going to do with all this time? I tried to meditate today and I could hardly sit still for 10 minutes. I kept thinking of all the things I should be doing. It's also been a wringer of a week. (But to be honest, since I've been recording my life, I realize every week is a wringer. And I tire of dumb excuses.) There is a kernel of emotion in the word "should" for me. Should is always getting me down. Should is always making me feel like I'm not doing enough. Should should probably shut the fuck up.
I've come to the truly hard part of breaking an addiction. I have to break the habits that have grown up around my TV watching. I have to replace these bad habits with new practices. I need to get better. So, here's what better looks like to me today. I'm not saying it will solve all my problems but a little of these things everyday will help. And also, I have to do it my damned self. I'm pretty sure this charming little personality trait comes from being a Taurus. (and a Bernazky...but that's a story for week 34)
- 22 minutes of meditation
- Getting hold of the sugar monkey on my back
- yoga/run/exercise each day
- encourage myself to be bold and not shy away from big ideas
Sometimes life feels like a great big snake just sliding through my hands and there's no stopping it. This makes me feel panic-ed. So, I'll look for that quiet. I'll sit through the panic and ease up on myself. There are no awards at being the best at living life.
Everything will be all right.