this sucks.

What feels like an unbearable TV craving is bearing down in me right now.  It's just as bad as a cigarette craving.  I would love to just lay down on the couch and give myself away to pure dullness. Tell myself it's okay to lose myself in the dumb plots and empty live of reality stars.  

What's the trigger...

I woke up this morning and I read what other people were doing with their lives and it sparked a sense of loss.  How do I do that?  Why am I not a natural talker?  Where is my communtity and ensemble?  

Trigger - lonliness.  It can strike anywhere.  TV fills the space in between me and another human.  It keeps me in my tiny bubble-like home and bathes me in the sweet light of TV.  TV is where I can escape feelings of lonliness.  TV takes over for the rest of humankind, filling a role of comfort.  But TV can't offer me any warmth or company.  It's a ruse.  

But I still wish I could lose myself in the sweet sweet glow of my television set.  It's sitting out there right now.  

I'll turn on some music and make eggs.  And then I'll see about what happens next.  

Just wanted to share.