continued from week 24....http://notv.posterous.com/week-24s-thing-being-in-nothingness
Things have been ajumble. As you may have noticed, week 24 seems to have lasted 3 weeks.
3 weeks and that angel was still watching me in the dark. I was working. I was busy. I was around but I wasn't here. I was sad. And I didn't think anyone wanted to hear about someone being sad. It just sounds pathetic.
When I feel blue, I can still hear lessons learned from childhood ringing in my ears. "Put a smile on your face." "Stop feeling sorry for yourself." These suggestions fail me as an adult as they did as a child. Feeling cheerless is not allowed. An evolved human can transcend one's moroseness through whatever ways people transcend shit.
Well, the secret is out. Sometimes, I am heartsick, mournful and in the doldrums. And it's not a fleeting emotion. It takes me over and puts me to bed for a few hours. This feels like some naked confession but I don't think I'm the only person in the world that feels sick at heart every once in awhile. I have to put trust in myself that this feeling will not last forever.
After the hurricane, there was a new fold in our reality. This new fold is like another step away from Eden. Another step away from blissful innocence. It happened after 9/11 as well. Something that I thought was one way - proved to be another. I knew something else about the world that I didn't know before that event.
It's these mythical historical moments that happen to us; the ones where everyone can remember exactly where they were and what they were doing. These moments have the power to shift our existence a little bit to the right or left and reveal something new about ourselves. This new thing is not quantifialble. We can't say if it's good or bad. Things have changed.
Change makes me feel out of sorts.
I'm proud of myself for returning to the blog. I kept trying and I just couldn't fathom what I could say beyond the simple words: I am sad.
My next blog post will be Week 26. And that's the halfway mark.